Archive for the ‘Ganduri’ Category

Terms and conditions

Posted: August 24, 2013 in Ganduri

Fear not, beloved. Your golden cage awaits, filled with all you can wish for. I’m all you could ever need, this is safety. This is love.
––––––––––

How do you teach love?
What are the guidelines,
the terms, the FAQ?

How can you love?
What do you have to do,
the butterflies…do they…
just happen?

When do you learn that
your conditions
can never be accepted?

When do you find you have to
write that contract
together?

How do you detach the strings?
How do you follow,
how can you be followed?

Why would you constrict,
why would you obey?

How do you draw love?
How do you attract the loved one?
How do you make it yours?
How do you domesticate it?
How do you make it stay?
How do you keep it alive?
( 24/08/2013)

T_ _ en_

Posted: August 24, 2013 in Ganduri

Ten is but a number,
that’s how it will remain.

Have I any regrets, is it just pain?

You know I’m good with details,
I know them all, those 24 hours.
It was at 3 o’clock,
we got it all wrapped up,
without the „you may kiss…”

How come it never struck you?

Was it all happy, was it all joy?
We each hold a different story,
just as we made very different ends.
This too shall come to pass,
today will fall into oblivion,
water will pass under the bridges I burnt,
things will remain untold.

Lies I tell myself,
lies you want to make mine,
lies that kept us apart,
lies that pulled you together.

I wish you happiness,
I wish you can smile again,
I wish you the life you’ve always wanted.
Never know my pain, never feel it,
it’s too much of a burden.
But for your sake, I wish you never feel.

An object called desire

Posted: August 19, 2013 in Criptat

I knew her since she was silent.
She knew me since I was mean.

She took my picture one afternoon.
I took her hand at a crossroad.

I have waited long for her to show up.
She waited for me to be late.

She wore dresses and all the pretty things.
I wore jeans and all my worries could fit in.

I had to learn to smile again.
She has to learn her worth.

She ran away for me.
I cried for help that once.

Her navel is my temple,
her hands are guidelines,
her feet teach me silence,
her mouth knows no hate.
Her back is the straightest I’ve ever known,
her knees, the loveliest sight,
her silence is the most patient.
Her skin holds onto dreams,
her hair shakes off the nightmares,
her legs scare off my demons,
her words keep me sane.
Her lips soothe my anger,
her arms hold me back,
her fingers draw futures.

I knew her when the world was no more.
She knew me as we begun to explore.
She knew me when pain was a state of mind.
I knew her as one of a kind.

My favourite time of the day,
my favourite colour,
my favourite place in the world,
my favourite odour,
my favourite quote in the book.
My favourite moment of silence.
( 19/08/2013)

Rigor mortis

Posted: August 13, 2013 in Criptat

Still as a body, I forget to move.
Legs are nowhere to be found
and the heart, ah, the heart,
does it still beat?

Strikes that come one after the other,
flesh is torn apart.
Another wound, another scar.

I am made of scars, bruises, scabs,
and wounds that never healed.
Each passage mattered, each kick
is deeply engraved in me.

My skin?
A mass of wrinkles, stretches, marks,
wounds and scars.
All can say out loud „I was there!”
Was I, really?
Gaps that stay unfilled,
Blanks that leave me colourless,
memories that use my skin
as parchment.

I’m shedding this skin as I go,
but the writings stay.
I step out of this body,
I leave it good for dead,
I leave it still and stiff,
To forget what it means to feel.

And then I go dead.
There is calm, there is peace.
There is void in this rigidity,
there is nothing to be felt,
there is nothing more to say.

One more blow, one more bruise,
One more word, another cut,
One more story, one more scar,
One more void, another drop.

There is a little bit of death
in each cut.
There is a little bit of hope.
There is some life left
in this trickle of blood.
There is despair,
that the pain won’t be enough.

There won’t be enough of me
for all that’s to be written down,
for all the pain this body
just can’t take in.

Scratch by scratch,
blow by blow,
bruise by bruise,
cut by cut,
scar by scar.
I destroy just to better build.

Memento mori.

(23/06/2013)

D day

Posted: August 5, 2013 in Criptat

Defy me,
Deify you.
Du hast mich.

Display publicly your affection,
Drive the nail to the bone.
Dust up conventions,
Dug up old scars.

Destroy the past,
Deconstruct the myths.
Desire.
Disobey.

Deal the cards anew,
Dream of despicable aces,
Discard the bully.
Decide upon: right or left? (or was it „wrong”?)

Destruction, you feared,
Death weighed upon you,
Denial was your answer.
Delightful misery.

Drumming fingers on
Dirty deeds.
Dire needs.
Dormant delusion.

Delay no longer,
Dwell no more,
Dumbfound dull destiny.

( 04/08/2013; 12 days in advance)

Void

Posted: Iulie 7, 2013 in Criptat

Am de lucru. Sau ar trebui sa am. In schimb, ma preocupa gandurile mele si incerc, nu sa invoc trecutul, punandu-l pe hartie, cat incerc sa il scriu si sa il las acolo unde e. Uneori iese.

Tabula rasa

You hated my hair, one way or another.
She now has what you want.
You hated my voice. I loved hearing yours.
Her childish whimper seems to please you.
You hated my clothes, nothing seemed good enough for you.
Inadequate as they may be, she has the right thing for your greedy eyes.
You hated my looks, I came to understand.
The greed in everybody else’s eyes must excite you so.
You hated my guts. I dared to criticize, to complain, to dislike loudly.
And you hated I had an opinion I could voice.
Your own lack of guts gets along so well with hers,
you’re both a sham.
You hated my fears, my inferiority complex, my nightmares, the threats I took for granted, my regrets.
Shallow, isn’t she?
Now you love to serve and protect,
and not throw in the trash the trembling one.
You hated my sincerity.
It’s better to say „black” when you think „white”,
to stab in the back when no one is looking,
to hit when the other one’s down,
to lie and deceive.
You ought to be pleased now. Façade.

You’ve made the worst of me, you’re tearing me apart.
Toying with your power, you want me weak,
you’re shaming me.
I feel guilty and distressed.
You got what you wanted, staying in shadows all along.
I had no patience, you said.
Look at it now, all that I took in, all these years.

Won’t you miss me,
miss all I knew (think of the Klan)
miss all I did (it would please you once)
miss all I was and you kicked away
miss all you loved about me?

Who are you, stranger? Slipping away from my sheets.
Who are you in the shadows? Bravely trying to put me down.
Who are you, son of man?
Who, what were you?
I know you no more, I fear you no longer.

(07/07/13)

Twist

Play me, oh, play me.
Cut my wings and watch me crawl.
Burn my feathers and let me fall.
Push me down to the ground,
step on me, squeeze me tight,
make the soil embrace me.
Take my air and ask me to laugh.
Cut my strings and make me walk.
Hit me hard,
fly me into oblivion,
mix up north and south for me.
Pull my veins and braid them nicely,
ask me if I lost my cold blood.
Pin me up on your wall,
like a prize you’d love to have,
forget me there, never dust me.
Drop me dead, check my pulse.
Hit me, am I still moving?
Lay me down,
I’ll be your first victim.
Silence me down and move to the next one.

(07/07/13)

Self

Posted: Iunie 18, 2013 in Ganduri

(18/06/2013)
I want you.
For the nights when you feel empty,
For the mornings that are hazy.

I want you.
To replace the mirror in which you see yourself.
To help you walk when your knees are shaking.

I want you.
When your body’s no longer material.
When the world crashes loudly right behind you.

I want you.
To show you beauty when you think it’s gone.
To show you you’re needed, when you feel you’ve let down.

I want you.
For the bitter morning coffee has no meaning otherwise.
For smoking will only be guilt.

I want you.
There are still cloudy days, and too much rain.
There are nights that are too long.

I want you.
Learning again how to walk, before running.
Learning again how to smile, before loving.

I want you.
For we need to discover new flavours.
For we need to meet new worlds.
For we need to find the places to hide, just to see better.
For we need to live on.
For we need to love on.
For we have dreams that haven’t shattered, we just need to build them from scrap.

I want you.
For our broken limbs that need mending,
for our broken shells that we still walk on,
for the misstrust we know too well,
for the desire we haven’t explored,
for the fears that still lie beneath our beds.

I want you
For we have to find ourselves.